***Warning-there is some explicits below, however, no intention offend***
I never would have thought, as kid growing up in modern America that I would ever have to see or deal with what has been going on in society. Now that I am a mother of 3 a boy and two girls, when I look at them now I can't help but feel ashamed to be their mother. I don't make that statement as in I am unfit, I say it because I feel guilt for bringing them into such a hateful world. In my adult life, all I ever wanted was to be married to my friend and a have family that I was proud of. While I have accomplished that, I feel that I have also failed my children as well.
Growing up you learn about the history of our nation. While the past of our nation is that of a proud nation, who fought against Great Britain to gain freedom from the Crown. Even as a proud nation, we were a flawed nation. We weren't perfect by any means. It took several battles and advocates to pull this nation through some of the toughest and darkest battles that were internal with our development. I remember sitting in history class learning about slaves and civil rights. All I could think was "thank God I wasn't born during those times." Then as time goes on you see that you are living in evil just a different era.
I remember reading about Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. These were some of the most influential people that I just sit back today watching what's going on and wonder what they would think of the world today. All them when they died had fought such a noble fight to try to make everything equal. Yet here we are 100's of years later and we still can't get it right.
Watching all the things that are going on in this world I just wonder where did it all go wrong. I sit back and I think that about my youth growing up. I don't remember not having a Black, Spanish, Asian, Mixed friend. As a matter of fact a majority of my childhood and my teen age years some of my very dear and closest friends were of another race. It was never a big thing for me. My parents never made me feel like someone who didn't look like me was different, or should be treated differently. Even my parents have very close friends who I consider to be aunts, uncles, or cousins who are of different ethnicities. I look internally at my family and see that not myself nor my sisters married within our race. One of my closest cousins is half white half black. I just don't ever remember race being an issue for me growing up.
I am very firm believer that hate is taught, it is not something that you are born with. My childhood and how my parents brought me up is proof of that. Had my parents "TAUGHT" me to hate chances are I would probably hate whatever it is that they taught me to hate. However, with that being said there are some things I do hate. First, off I HATE HATE HATE THE "N" WORD. Did I mention I hate the "N" word. I know that people say well that word works both ways; you can say it about black or white people. Come on people be honest with yourself. When you say that word where is that word really being focused. Another word I hate is Bitch. I hate that females call each other bitches and hoes. Why does it have to go that far?
Let me educate you for just a moment. First I am going to speak to the ladies. Ladies if you don't want to be called a bitch or a hoe first off stop acting like one. Second off stop calling each other that. Here's the problem if we are constantly calling each other a bitch or hoe then why can't a guy. Then you wonder why men degrade women when they talk about them, in movies, or in music. UMMM, hello it's because we let them. If we are saying it to each other, then why can't someone else say it. If you want to be treated with respect or spoken to as if you have an education, then you need to hold yourself to that standard. Respect starts with yourself!
Now I am ready to tackle that whole "N" word. Ugh just thinking about this word makes me sick to stomach, but now this conversation goes out to my black folks. I can't by any means say I understand your life or the shoes that you have to live your life in. I'm freaking white what do I know right? Wrong! I know that the last time I checked, we all lived in the United States and were all free to say and do as we please. The common misconception that I constantly hear is that we can say it because we are saying it to our own people. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! I don't care if your black or not. It goes back to the bitches and hoes. If you say it and use it in your everyday language people are going to use it. Just stop it. The word in itself is an ugly word. By no means whatsoever does it mean anything flattering. So why would you want to call your friend, homeboy, or relative that. The change has to start with us.
I don't care how much money you have, how much education you have, how big your house is, or nice your car is. Guess what friend? At the end of the day we all die. When we die we all end up in the ground. The fate in which we will die is not something that we can control. It's beyond us. However, as free thinking, speaking, and educated person who is constantly trying to educate myself and my family, I'm not going to go down looking like a fool. All this rioting, shooting innocent people, blaming race vs race, us against them mentality, what does it give us? At the end of the day it doesn't give us ANYTHING! It just gives us more dead people with the same damn outcome: dead people with the same damn results black vs white. Last I checked we were all freaking Americans, so essentially it's American vs. American. When both the bodies go into the ground it doesn't matter what damn race you were; YOU'RE DEAD!
I refuse to let my family fall into this vicious cycle of hate. Since hate is taught I am going to teach my kids that regardless of what color your skin is, how much money you have, how big your house is, or how nice your car is, in the end we all end up the same. Dead in the ground, 6 feet under a pile of dirt. The only way to be remembered is by what you do today. I don't want my kids to be part of the problem, rather I am going to teach them how to be part of the solution. I will never forget the day I was picking my son up from school and I asked him how is day was. He said that one of his friends was upset in class because another student said "well at least I'm not brown." I turned around so quick I damn near broke my neck. I told him I don't EVER want to hear you ever say something like that to anyone. You are no better or worse than someone else. His response, "I won't he's my friend, and that kind of made me mad." So although I may feel ashamed for bringing my kids into a world of hate, I know that they won't be inflicting hate but trying to stop it from happening.
